Something I wrote in 2006.
Believe it or not, inspired by a South Park episode!
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"Selamat Jalan Kekasih. Kau la cinta dalam hatiku.Aku kehilangan mu. Untul selama-lamanya"
The traffic on Jalan Sultan Ismail in Kuala Lumpur City Center during the peak hours was like an endless train. The vehicles seemed strung together by an invisible chain. Indifferent to the noise and bad air around him, Hendra was staring into a boutique window facing the main road. A cream color long gown was on display. “Nita would look splendid in this” he thought. For 10 long minutes he was looking at the dress while he mind flew to secret places where only he knew. A gentle tap on his shoulder brought him back to where he physically was. The security guard politely asked if he was all right. Realizing his dirty sweat shirt and jeans were not presentable, Hendra gave a timid smile and walked away.
On his way to the bus stand, his mind switched to his saving in his bank account and the telephone conversation he had with his mother 2 days ago. He came from a middle class family and would still be at home in a small town near Jakarta if not for that incident that had changed his whole life. He would send money home for his father operation but his mother’s words wouldn’t leave him alone. “come home Hen, we haven’t seen you for 5 years. Your father is old …” he missed home and the feeling was getting stronger and stronger lately. For 5 long years, he had fought and managed to suppress it. Going back home was too much for him to handle, he knew. How could he face it?
Five years ago, he came to KL to work as a hard labor and had been working at various construction sites in this rapidly developing city. He worked hard and didn’t care much about the wages. He just wanted to go away. Far, far away from the city that had changed his whole life. Sometimes on pay day, he would go with his Indonesian friends to one of the underground joins for drinks and more. The existence of these joints were well known secret that everyone in the city knew about but chose to keep a blind eye. Drinks, pots, pills and women, all with a price tag. It had been a routine, alcohol, drugs and women. He usually didn’t choose his women and always had it in darkness. When he was touching the naked body, he mind was usually somewhere else.
Five years ago, he came to KL to work as a hard labor and had been working at various construction sites in this rapidly developing city. He worked hard and didn’t care much about the wages. He just wanted to go away. Far, far away from the city that had changed his whole life. Sometimes on pay day, he would go with his Indonesian friends to one of the underground joins for drinks and more. The existence of these joints were well known secret that everyone in the city knew about but chose to keep a blind eye. Drinks, pots, pills and women, all with a price tag. It had been a routine, alcohol, drugs and women. He usually didn’t choose his women and always had it in darkness. When he was touching the naked body, he mind was usually somewhere else.
On other days, he would go back to the rented place at the edge of the city which he shared with a few friends. It was all simple routine, morning, bus, work, bus, home, dinner, sleep and the next day. In fact, he liked routines because he didn’t have to think and could just follow the flow. Most of his Indonesian friends came to this big city with hopes and dreams. Like any foreign workers in a big city, they wanted to work hard and save enough money to go home and start a new life. Hendra was different from them; he didn’t care much about money and he didn’t have hopes of a future. Every morning was just another day.
Flashes of bright light, crashes of metals followed by a spinning world and screams…. Hendra woke up in a jerk. Still shaking, he found himself wet with cold sweat. It was still dark outside. He slowly got hold of himself in the quiet of the darkness. It’s the same dream, again and again haunting him for 5 long years. “I didn’t say sorry. I didn’t even say goodbye to her”. He wept in silence and covered his face in the pillow. He couldn’t face it even after 5 years. Every man has a soft spot in his heart and this is a wound that would never heal. “I didn’t even say goodbye. I didn’t even say goodbye”. He kept repeating these words, as with any nights when the old memories came crashing through, like the truck five years ago.
Like any other days, he picked up Nita from the restaurant she worked at in his taxi to send her home. Nita was a Christian and her family was against her going out with a muslim man.
“Don’t worry about it Nita. We will overcome all these. Even some gay couples can work it out and live happily. So can we.” he used to tell Nita whenever she was feeling insecure and confused. He would hold her hand and gave her a kiss on the forehead to reassure, although he knew it would be really tough to do what he had said.
He had a bad day. It was a series of bad events - rain, bad traffic and hike in petrol price. When Nita showed up 30 minutes late without an apology, his blood boiled up. For the next 20 minutes, he vented his frustrations on Nita and on the gas paddle of his taxi. He didn’t see the overtaking truck from the opposite direction until Nita screamed. Everything was so fast and all he could remember was the flashes, the spinning world and Nita’s high pitch screams. He woke up in the hospital 3 days later with a broken arm and internal injuries.
“people change but memories are forever” Nita used to say. Nita had a degree in accounting and knew a great deal more than Hendra. She had told him a lot of things that he didn’t know of. She changed him but not in any interfering manner. She had never asked him to do anything against his will. She always said “Respect free will.” Through Nita, Hendra had seen the world from a different perspective. He learnt to accept differences in people and became more forgiving and adaptive at the same time.
Every word Nita had said to him replayed softly in his mind shunning all the thundering noises around him in the busy Jakarta street. “Hen, I love you very much but sometimes I wish you could have a hold of your temperament.” This was her last sentence before the dreadful accident and it was imprinted in Hendra’s heart like a red hot iron.
When his family found him, his blank and expressionless face worried them more than his physical condition. He could see and recognize them but seemed indifferent to people and activities around him. “I didn’t say sorry. I didn’t even say goodbye” he kept saying in low murmurous voice. For many days, he didn’t shear a tear or say a word to anyone but submerged in his own world where he had coffee Nita. He blamed himself for the accident, for the angry words he used on Nita and on top of all these: he didn’t even get to see her for one last time before she departed from this world, forever.
He went to her final resting place but only looked on from afar when he saw her families were there. He would never be able to face them especially her mother who had been a kind and caring elder to him. He left home and went to Kuala Lumpur soon after that day and had never returned for 5 years.
It was very noisy with the cranking of heavy machines and the occasional loud pounding of the piling rammer. Hendra was used to the labor work to the extend it was becoming almost robotic to him. Without any warning, the temporary wooden floor that he and a few other workers were working on suddenly caved in. He fell with the collapsed floor onto a lower floor. When he realized what has happened, he found himself immobilized under heavy loads. He knew he was injured badly although he didn’t feel any pain yet. Breathing was becoming harder and he was fading into the creeping darkness. Nita walked to him in her brown dress. He found himself facing Nita again. She was smiling at him but didn’t say a word. “I didn’t say sorry to her. I didn’t even say goodbye…” he dropped his head, dared not face the woman he loved. “Hen, say it now. You can say it now” Nita voice was soft and clear. “you can say what you wanted to say now. Say it now”.
“I am sorry, Nita, I am so sorry”.
“U know, I have never blamed you for what happened that night, Hen.”.
“I am sorry. Goodbye, Nita” Hendra lifted his head to face Nita. “Goodbye Nita, I love you”.
“Goodbye Hen. You take good care of yourself, for me. I love you too.”.
“Yes. I will Nita. I will”.
Voices started to register and Hendra heard people shouting around him. Slowly, he gathered his strength and called out, “Sini. Sini.” His weak voice was muted by the stack of planks and debris on him. He reached out and grabbed a small piece of broken cement and started tapping the floor. The sound finally caught attention and footsteps started towards him. He blacked-out again before they got to him.
Hendra opened his eyes and found himself lying in the bed of a hospital room. The room was almost colorless in blindingly white, the wall, the bed sheets, the uniform of the nurses, the patients’ garment. The only color in the room was the hair of the people in the room. he knew he would survive despite the pain and sore in his body.
He smiled “Ma, I am coming home.”
“people change but memories are forever” Nita used to say. Nita had a degree in accounting and knew a great deal more than Hendra. She had told him a lot of things that he didn’t know of. She changed him but not in any interfering manner. She had never asked him to do anything against his will. She always said “Respect free will.” Through Nita, Hendra had seen the world from a different perspective. He learnt to accept differences in people and became more forgiving and adaptive at the same time.
Every word Nita had said to him replayed softly in his mind shunning all the thundering noises around him in the busy Jakarta street. “Hen, I love you very much but sometimes I wish you could have a hold of your temperament.” This was her last sentence before the dreadful accident and it was imprinted in Hendra’s heart like a red hot iron.
When his family found him, his blank and expressionless face worried them more than his physical condition. He could see and recognize them but seemed indifferent to people and activities around him. “I didn’t say sorry. I didn’t even say goodbye” he kept saying in low murmurous voice. For many days, he didn’t shear a tear or say a word to anyone but submerged in his own world where he had coffee Nita. He blamed himself for the accident, for the angry words he used on Nita and on top of all these: he didn’t even get to see her for one last time before she departed from this world, forever.
He went to her final resting place but only looked on from afar when he saw her families were there. He would never be able to face them especially her mother who had been a kind and caring elder to him. He left home and went to Kuala Lumpur soon after that day and had never returned for 5 years.
It was very noisy with the cranking of heavy machines and the occasional loud pounding of the piling rammer. Hendra was used to the labor work to the extend it was becoming almost robotic to him. Without any warning, the temporary wooden floor that he and a few other workers were working on suddenly caved in. He fell with the collapsed floor onto a lower floor. When he realized what has happened, he found himself immobilized under heavy loads. He knew he was injured badly although he didn’t feel any pain yet. Breathing was becoming harder and he was fading into the creeping darkness. Nita walked to him in her brown dress. He found himself facing Nita again. She was smiling at him but didn’t say a word. “I didn’t say sorry to her. I didn’t even say goodbye…” he dropped his head, dared not face the woman he loved. “Hen, say it now. You can say it now” Nita voice was soft and clear. “you can say what you wanted to say now. Say it now”.
“I am sorry, Nita, I am so sorry”.
“U know, I have never blamed you for what happened that night, Hen.”.
“I am sorry. Goodbye, Nita” Hendra lifted his head to face Nita. “Goodbye Nita, I love you”.
“Goodbye Hen. You take good care of yourself, for me. I love you too.”.
“Yes. I will Nita. I will”.
Voices started to register and Hendra heard people shouting around him. Slowly, he gathered his strength and called out, “Sini. Sini.” His weak voice was muted by the stack of planks and debris on him. He reached out and grabbed a small piece of broken cement and started tapping the floor. The sound finally caught attention and footsteps started towards him. He blacked-out again before they got to him.
Hendra opened his eyes and found himself lying in the bed of a hospital room. The room was almost colorless in blindingly white, the wall, the bed sheets, the uniform of the nurses, the patients’ garment. The only color in the room was the hair of the people in the room. he knew he would survive despite the pain and sore in his body.
He smiled “Ma, I am coming home.”
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