The Great men came for afternoon tea

In a rare occasion, all the great men and women who had lived and gone gathered and had afternoon tea together.

After a few rounds of tea and cookies, and of course some socializing, a great man let out a sigh and said.

“I have taught my believers one of the most important qualities of human nature – LOVE. LOVE for all human being. Care for the poor and support for the deprived and oppressed. I had even taught them to love their enemies and forgive those who trespass against them.”

“Sadly, they didn’t understand the essence of my teachings. Instead of practicing what I taught, they went at great length to spread my words of LOVE by doing everything opposite of what I taught them.”

“To spread the words of LOVE, millions lives were taken in holy wars. They colonized and enslaved fellow human being. Thousands of people were tortured in inquisitions and more were burnt on stake for alleged witchery. All in the name of my teachings. The fact is I had never hurt or killed anyone in my entire time on earth.”

“Can I not feel sad?” the first great man concluded in a disappointed voice.

Other great men and women shook their heads, looking sad too.

“There ARE people starving and children suffering everyday. Instead of doing anything about that, they gather and sing once every week. How I wish there are more Mother Theresa and less evangelicals. ” added the first Great man.

Another great man stood up and said.
“My disappointments are the same as yours if not greater”
“I taught them fair and justice. I lead with good example and taught them to do what I do. I taught them to respect others beliefs and no compulsion”

“Soon after I left the world, they started to fight for who should be the leader. Isn’t that sad?’
The other great men nodded in agreement.

“They didn’t get the essence of my teaching too. Instead of practicing fair and justice I had taught them, they emulate how I dressed up and elevate the language I used as sacred. All are forms without substance”

“Similar to your believers, my believers waged wars and committed massacres to promote my teaching of fair and justice.”

“How irony.” Said another great man in a robe.
“Exactly. They even fight against themselves and everyone claims they are the true believers of my teachings. “

“For example, I regulated polygamy which was commonly practiced in my time, and imposed strict conditions on the men to marry more than 1 wife. Instead, they abuse it as an approval from me to practice polygamy”

“They claimed some cartoons ware insulting me and went on killing innocent people. When I was alive, I taught them patience. I had shown them that I wasn’t even offended when some people threw feces at me.”

The great man then turned to a bald man in robe and said.
“Your believers seem pretty peaceful. You must be happy”

The Bald great man replied.
“I have taught them the noble paths, to have righteous views. Instead they are praying to my wooden statues for protection. Some bandits and robbers carry my image with them hoping I would protect them from bullets. They burn paper money to the deceased instead of respecting and being filial to their parents. Some of my believers also claim that their way is more superior than others practiced. “

“So, no, I m not really happy”

A bare footed and bald headed great man in a white robe gave a pat to the second great man on the shoulder. He adjusted his glasses on the bridge of his nose and said.
“Well, they will understand one day. Let enjoy our tea. We might have time for a cricket game later.”

“Yes. And Florence and Theresa can be our umpire.” The first great man suggested.

Whatsup? are u in?

What is the "in" things now?

What do a plain joe (or Ah Beng) need to transform him into an "in" guy and thus becomes a pussy magnet?

Some of my intensive "copy and paste" research from the internet.
***********************************************************************

- Dressed up like Korean stars. wear full sleeves pull over even its 40C day. show off your Emporio Armani undies with low cut jeans, even you don't have a body like Beckham

- very important, dye or at least highlight your hair blonde, red, any other colors but the hair color your parents have given you. have to watch out not too much or you will end up like a private DVD peddlar.

A note of caution, you might spend hours glooming your hair, but never let the effort shows. tidiness is so yester-year. your hair has to be clean but not tidy as the menifestation of your carefree life style


- unintentionally flashing the latest electronic gadgets (e.g. iPod, iPhone, Nokia N82).

The key word here is "un-intentional". constantly showing off these gadget will make u a geek . Thats a "no-no"

again moderation is advised. too many gadgets hanging on your belt will make you an "Ah Long". thats a real turn off.

- Life style. Very important. you have to speak the lingo. tell your friends you "enjoy night out drinking wine".

Need some hard work here to learn the names of some wines and the most difficult part is to pronounce them correctly. Really hard for an Ah Beng to pronounce Frenchie names like "Mourvèdre", "Grenache", "Rolle ou Vermentinu" etc.

It is better off if you focus on Australian wines which are easier to pronounce such as "Chardonnay", "Merlot" Shiraz", and thus avoid the embarassments if the waiter can't understand your order.

It will help if you befriend the bouncers of a night spot and invest in keeping a few bottles of liquors (Chivas, XO) so that when you bring your chics back, you don't have to wait in the Q and pay "first drink fee". PAying for "first drink fee" aka "entrance fee" will automatically downgrade you to 50% of whatever your initial score was.


- Exercising men are "in" now. Join a fitness club and show up once a month just to checkout what are ongoing the events and pick up the "in" words like "Pilates", "Surya Yoga", "group fitness". remember them and use them in your daily conversations to appear cool and thus generating the attraction force of a pussy magnet. Even though the only exercise you do is channel surfing in the sofa and fart. if you don't know any fitness club, some examples here "Fitness first", "California", "Celebrity Fitness" etc etc.


Till next time

My lovely classmate

No short story this time. Just about an encounter with my "lovely" and "smart" classmate.
Well, lets skip the "once upon a time.." intro and go right in to it.

Scene: Lunch break on a sunny school day

Classmate (CM): what the matter with the protest against the Olympic torch?
Me: It the pro Tibetan activists protesting against China's violent crack down on the demostration in Tibet.

CM: What that has got to do with Olympics?Me: nothing really. but i guess its a venue to grab attentions on what their are fighting for or against.

CM: Where is Tibet? what so important about it?
Me: I think its important for a military strategy than its value in terms of resources. It on the highest point on earth and China needs it to guard it border against any invasion from the western side of its country. (well, its well known fact it means India)

Trying to give an anology,
Me: Just like why Israel grabbed the Golan Highlands and didn't want to return it to Syria after the 6 days war.

CM: Israel is stupid. They should knw that once the muslims woke up and united, the only place they can go is under the sea.

(oh oh... i hit a nerve, better backoff. ain't looking for confrontation here in school)

CM: once the Arabs in Saudi, and other middle eastern countries woke up and work together, Israel doesn't have a chance.

Maybe I will just say this bit more... u know, being a cynic all my life...
Me: Mate, Saudi really screws up in their country and policies. 50% of their population are not productive. Women can't drive or leave home without company of male relatives.

CM: Women should stay home and take care of the children and family. The western world is really screwed up today. the parents work whole day and left the children to become gangsters, drugies.

Could't stand this. had to say soemthing.
Me: Everyone should be entitled to free will. its their choice whether to stay home or work or go out. not by force....

CM: The western world is so wrong. its even not illegal for a man to have sex with his daughter. this just happened in Australia and the man wasn't even charged.

Me: I don't agree with incest and I think its not right....

CM: Its even worse, its not illegal fo a man to have sex with another man. Is it right to have sex with another man?

Hmmm... should i go on or just smile and walk away? what the heck.
Me: what 2 adults do inside their bedroom has got nothing to do others, as long as they don't disturb or cause harm to others. u have to understand that ther are more than just males and females in this world. There are people who are born with male and female bodies. its just that "definate " males and females are the majority, but other forms of sexualities do exist.

CM: I don't mean that they should be jailed but they should be treated and go back to normal lives.

Me: Homosexual is not a psychological illness. sexual preferences are born with. but then I m not the expect. so Free will mate. its up to them to decide whether to go for treatment, not by force.

CM: what is your religion and how old are you?
Me: ????
Me: I don't believe in any religion.
CM: I was watching a Christian Channel and they said "someone who doesn't know God, doesn't know anything about moral. Even I m a muslim, I agree 100% with that. At your age, and you still doesn't know that..." He shook his head like a father looking at his hopeless convict son.

Man. i was facing a moral teacher there. ready to guide me through and out of my ignorance and help me to think out of box.

Me: everyone should have the right to believe what they believe. can't force a belief on another person.

what happened next? saved by the bell and I stopped it there.
What do u think?
- women should be allowed to drive or go out without male relatives?
- homo sexuals should be hunted down and sent for treatment camps?
- if you don't know God, you don't know anything about moral?
- and you have to think out of box?

how about these:
- Men should be forced to stay home and take care of the children.
- child molestors, people who do child porno, child prostitution should be sent to detention camps
- talk to the catholic church about the covering up of child molesting cases by pastors. talk to the Ulamas who raped their own daughters
- which box? my box or you box? the

Disclaimer:
I m against the Chinese invasion of Tibet and support a self governed Tibet
I support free will and see all religions as equal, atheists and pagans included.
I strongly against incest and child prostitution.

Story from the Rain Forest

A story inspired by cause and effect in Buddhism, as well as the people in the last picture of this story

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John, the manager, looked impatiently at the workers who had gathered around him. He spoke slowly but in a firm tone with authority. “I don’t want to see blood spilt for whatever reason. This is a logging site not a temple”. He said and looked at the faces around him with a mildly tensed up expression. Mani stepped forward, looked at John and said to him, loudly as if he was making an announcement. “Mr John, this sacrifice is for the Penunggu Hutan . We have to do this every time before our logging work in the jungle to please the Datuk. So he wouldn’t disturb us and let us finish our work and leave in peace.” Mani looked around and lower his voice to a mere whisper, “The kampong folks told me the Datuk here is a Tiger spirit who is very bad tempered and ferocious. We don’t want to anger him.” John understood well that the workers were mainly from the nearby villages which had been devoted believers in all sorts of spirits and mythical beings. Not being a believer in any religion, John was known for his critical comments and skeptical attitude towards certain factions of religions. Trained as an engineer, he had his trusts in science and logical thinking. He just couldn’t let them slaughter the poor little white goat brutally. The little creature was about few weeks old and walked with a slight gait. It would come to John whenever he was around and licked his hand as if it was a little puppy. John had liked it the moment he saw the little fellow and the feeling was somewhat mutual.

“Why not you guys proceed with the offering without a live sacrifice this time? I will ask Liluk to buy some beers from the village store and everyone will get some.” Liluk was the truck driver who delivered their weekly supplies. When he sensed the strong resentment from the workers, he offered them something they can’t resist. All the workers liked alcohol drinks and beer was something they never refused. Some heads nodded and Mani led them away to prepare for the offering ceremony. Feeling pleased he had saved his little buddy; John walked back to his cabin and lied on his small bed to continue his reading. They were out in the jungle more than 100 km from the nearest city, Sandakan, and he was happy he could still enjoy many modern luxuries such as a soft bed and MP3 music. Soon he dozed off amid the fade sound of drums from the offering ceremony in a distance.

He fell down but quickly got back on his feet. “Have to get out of here” He could sense it. It was gaining on him slowly but steadily. The forest looked the same in the moonlight. He knew if he turned around now, he would see it and he wouldn’t have the courage to run anymore. He could smell the distinctive pungent odor getting stronger. A low hanging branch hit his forehead and knocked him down on his back. The forest floor was soft with a thick layer of moist composed vegetation. He got back to his feet but froze on the spot. A low but powerful growl behind him made him stunt. A sudden surge of adrenalin in his body has caused his heart beat raced to an audible level. He could feel the cold sweat bursting out from his skin but he remained still. The jungle was very quite even the insects were not heard. A second growl was longer and much nearer to him now. The pungent odor was so strong as if the air in the jungle had turned into rotting meat mixed with animal waste. He knew it was just behind him, probably just at arm length. He turned and gave out a loud scream when he saw what he was facing.

John jerked up from his bed with cold sweat all over. He looked around and found himself still in his cabin. “Its just a dream” he said to himself with a relief. He looked at his wrist watch which showed 4:30pm. Still too early for dinner although the folks at the logging site usually have early dinner since their day started early. The dream was so real and John found himself still shaky from it. The residue images were still clear and real in his head. Needing some fresh air, he decided to take a walk to the nearby stream to clear his mind. The stream was located about 500 meter from the main tent and the workers usually hanged around the clear water to bathe and to fish for fresh water prawns.

Those prawns had a big head and two intimidating pinchers. Fried with garlic and salt, they were delicious. The best part would be to peel off the shell and suck on the juicy head. John was glad that the thought of food had distracted his mind from the bad dream. There were three workers bathing in the icy cold water when he got there. “did you catch any udang galah?” John asked them, referring to the fresh water prawns. “No Mr John, not much luck today” replied Malik, a short but solid built man in his late twenties.
“You might have more luck upstream, Mr. John” Muk shouted from the middle of the stream. Muk came from a remote village and he knew the jungle like his back yard.

The thought of udang galah made his mouth watered and John decided to catch a few for dinner and he knew he had about 2 hours before sunset. “enough time to get at least a dozen or more” he said to himself. He waved at them and walked upstream along the bank. The early evening jungle was cool and pleasant. He walked under the huge trunk of trees that grew up to hundred meters, often amazed by the gigantic woods around him. “They surely don’t like us. We come here to cut them down. What a shame, these trees might have lived a thousand years but felled within hours with a powerful chain saw.” The occasional chirps from birds and insects were so soothing and peaceful. John’s mind was drifting into the thoughts of trees and birds while he walked on, passing between the huge tree trunks.

A sharp cry of a monkey alerted him and he realized he had walked away from the stream and was in an unfamiliar part of the jungle. The trees were even bigger than the primary rain forest he was familiar with. Some of the trunks were at least 5 meters in diameter and they grew closer to each other which left much smaller gaps between them. John checked his wrist watch. “6:30pm? I was jay walking in the jungle for almost 2 hours!” He was shocked as well as puzzled. It was like sleep walking while awake. The sun was almost set and the fog was starting to build up in the jungle. John was panic because he knew the jungle at night wasn't a place where a man could walk out just like that. He heard some many stories and real life incidents about people who got lost in the jungle. None of them were pleasant.

“Its funny to think about it because human supposed to come from the African rain forest a few million years ago. Yet deep inside we are so afraid of the darkness of the night and feel so alien in a jungle.” John didn’t ponder on these but he was trying to figure out his where about and the direction to get back to the site as soon as possible. The setting sun gave him the bearing and he knew he had to walk east to get back to the stream. If he could find the stream, the rest would be easy. He started walking but as the last ray of sun light was beyond the horizon and the forest fog is thickening, he knew he was in trouble.

“Should’ve taken a portable radio with me. Johnny, you an idiot” He blamed himself.

Having spent more than 2 years with the logging company, he heard enough stories about the jungle and most of them were scary and chilly when he recalled them now. He had disregarded these stories as merely folks tales and occasionally laughed at the illogical part of it. One of the stories was about a jungle spirit who didn’t leave the medium during a ceremony and actually bitten off all the fingers with his own teeth. Another was about a young man from a village who befriended a lady and was later found dead in the jungle with bite mark on the neck and loss of blood without any open wounds. John didn’t find these stories laughable anymore. He longed for the warm lights and comfort of the noise in the camp site.

“I have to stay calm. The worst that could happen is I spend a night in the jungle”. He felt his pocket and glad he still had his cigarette and lighter with him.

He felt a sudden jolt of alert. The jungle was quiet and not a single sound was heard but he sensed a sudden approach of threat. He turned and looked around him. The jungle was dark but he could still make the outlines of the huge tree trunks in the star lights above the tree canopy. Then he felt a chill deep in his spine that made his whole body goose bump. The pungent smell was filling the air. He remembered his bad dream in the afternoon. It was the same smell. John was panic. The bad dream came back to him and made his legs feeling weak.

”HELP” he yelled and started running, not knowing exactly where to run to.

The adrenalin surge had powered him to run fast. He tripped a few time but got up and ran on. He knew what he was facing and it was really more than life and death. He didn’t know how long he had run but he finally had to stop and rested against a big tree trunk, panting and feeling fatigue from the exhaustion. There was one thing on his mind, get out of there. Then he sensed it again. The jungle had been too quiet, not even the creaking of insects were present. It was as if he was entirely isolated in a land of the trees and facing the thing that was on his heel alone.

John lifted his head in alarm by a distant dull crack of a dried twig. The pungent smell was sipping through the foggy jungle air, stronger and more distinct this time. It was coming from his left. The smell was a distinctive mixture of rotting meat and animal urine, which reminded John of the foul smell of the zoo and the back lane of a wet market blended together. He lowered his body and picked up a thick branch under the tree he was resting. He knew it was useless against what was coming his way but like a drowning man, he tried to hold on to whatever he could get his hands on. He could hear the low growls as the foul smell is thickening around him. It was approaching John slowly as if a hunter would to a cornered prey, to enjoy the fear and useless struggles the prey would put up. John sensed it too. His pursuer was circling him from a distance while making fearful low growls. Backed against the trunk and a branch in his hands, John was trying to put up a last fight while yelling at the top of voice for help.

“Tolong! Tolong!” his yell sounded like a yip of a puppy in the vast forest of gigantic trees.

Suddenly, a loud growl was behind him. Before he could turn, something powerful hit him and sent him rolling in the jungle floor. The power of the swipe could have broken his neck and killed him had it landed on his head. The blow was instead a push to instill more fear in the prey. John knew it was hopeless and was lying on the ground waiting for the final attacks.

“Ting”… a soft chime of a bell awaken John, it was like a sight of land to a ship wreaked crew. A surge of hope had brought him up in a flash and dashed towards the source of the bell. He saw a dim yellow light just ahead of him and ran as fast as he could to it. Under a huge tree, in the dim glow of a yellow light, he saw an old monk in yellow robe. The old man had a small bell and a metal hammer in his hands. He gave the bell a chime with the hammer and looked up at John with a smile.

“Please help me. Please take me out of here. It is behind me” John held the monks arm and pleaded.

“calm down. Come with me”. He took John’s hand and led him through the jungle, passing between trees effortlessly.

John found he could breath more slowly and noticed that the light in the old man’s hand was a dim yellow glow that was bright enough but yet didn’t cast any shadows. It was as if the light could go around the tress and filled up the darkness with a dim yellow color. The growls and pungent smell were constantly catching up with them. The old monk would change direction if it seemed too close. They got to a part of the jungle where the trees were less dense and John could see more with the moonlight penetrating from above. He could hear his pursuer was speeding up and gaining on them. The old monk led him to a small wooden temple which was built on long stilts. He heard a loud and scary roar when they started to climb the long stair case up the temple.

The old monk stopped him from looking back. “don’t look back, keep going” he said in a soft voice.

They reached the small temple and there were 2 other old monks dressed in yellow robes inside it. They nodded and smiled at John but didn’t say anything. The temple suddenly shook and John almost dropped on the floor from the violent force.

This reminded John about a childhood experience. He was walking back from school and saw a cute puppy outside a wooden fence. The puppy was about few weeks old, cute rounded creature, yipping helplessly. He bent down and tried to touch it. He was almost knocked aback by a sudden loud bang on the fence preceded by a fearful growl. He saw a huge black Rottweiler threw herself against the wooden fence with a formidable force, again and again. No barks. Just a low yet deep, powerful and fearful growls. She was probably the mother of the puppy that wandered out through a small crack in the fence. Little John ran home and had felt shaken for a few days and avoided that path for a long time.

“It is trying to get at me” he said to the first monk with a shaken voice. His knees were trebbling in fear.

He knew the thing that was shaking the wooden temple was far more powerful and fearful than the Rottweiler he met many years ago.

“Don’t worry, you are safe here. Have some water and get some rest” said the monk and offered him some water.

John drank and sat down to rest. He felt so drained as if he had run a full marathon. Another monk came over and put a yellow robe on his shoulders. He put his palm on John’s head and recited something softly.

He said to John “May you be free from harm and danger. Now go to sleep”.

John closed his eyes and began to drift into sleep. He heard the monks chanting, chimes of bell and the occasional growls from below the temple. Everything seemed far away and detached from where he was and finally he shut down and went into a deep sleep.

“Hey, Mr John”. John was awaken by the noise and slowly opened his eyes.

He yawned and tried to stretch his back. “Don’t move. John. Just DON’T move” he heard Liluk’s voice from far and below. He looked down and saw a few workers were looking up at him with alarmed faces. Only then he realized he was sitting on a branch up in a huge tree, at least 100 feet above ground. He was wrapped in a long yellow robe which was strapped to three other branches. This formed a three-legged star that held him on the branch without falling.

The workers brought a long ladder and got him back on the ground safely. “How did you get up there? The lowest branch is at least 50 feet off the ground and the tree trunk is straight and almost smooth.” John didn’t say anything but followed them back to the camp site.

Back in the camp site, Mani came to him alone and asked quietly “I saw huge Tiger foot print on the ground around the tree and also deep claw marks on the tree trunk. It was angry and was after your blood. How did you get away?”
“Good Karma. I guess”. said John softly.

Selamat Jalan Kekasih

Something I wrote in 2006.

Believe it or not, inspired by a South Park episode!

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"Selamat Jalan Kekasih. Kau la cinta dalam hatiku.

Aku kehilangan mu. Untul selama-lamanya"

The traffic on Jalan Sultan Ismail in Kuala Lumpur City Center during the peak hours was like an endless train. The vehicles seemed strung together by an invisible chain. Indifferent to the noise and bad air around him, Hendra was staring into a boutique window facing the main road. A cream color long gown was on display. “Nita would look splendid in this” he thought. For 10 long minutes he was looking at the dress while he mind flew to secret places where only he knew. A gentle tap on his shoulder brought him back to where he physically was. The security guard politely asked if he was all right. Realizing his dirty sweat shirt and jeans were not presentable, Hendra gave a timid smile and walked away.

On his way to the bus stand, his mind switched to his saving in his bank account and the telephone conversation he had with his mother 2 days ago. He came from a middle class family and would still be at home in a small town near Jakarta if not for that incident that had changed his whole life. He would send money home for his father operation but his mother’s words wouldn’t leave him alone. “come home Hen, we haven’t seen you for 5 years. Your father is old …” he missed home and the feeling was getting stronger and stronger lately. For 5 long years, he had fought and managed to suppress it. Going back home was too much for him to handle, he knew. How could he face it?

Five years ago, he came to KL to work as a hard labor and had been working at various construction sites in this rapidly developing city. He worked hard and didn’t care much about the wages. He just wanted to go away. Far, far away from the city that had changed his whole life. Sometimes on pay day, he would go with his Indonesian friends to one of the underground joins for drinks and more. The existence of these joints were well known secret that everyone in the city knew about but chose to keep a blind eye. Drinks, pots, pills and women, all with a price tag. It had been a routine, alcohol, drugs and women. He usually didn’t choose his women and always had it in darkness. When he was touching the naked body, he mind was usually somewhere else.

On other days, he would go back to the rented place at the edge of the city which he shared with a few friends. It was all simple routine, morning, bus, work, bus, home, dinner, sleep and the next day. In fact, he liked routines because he didn’t have to think and could just follow the flow. Most of his Indonesian friends came to this big city with hopes and dreams. Like any foreign workers in a big city, they wanted to work hard and save enough money to go home and start a new life. Hendra was different from them; he didn’t care much about money and he didn’t have hopes of a future. Every morning was just another day.

Flashes of bright light, crashes of metals followed by a spinning world and screams…. Hendra woke up in a jerk. Still shaking, he found himself wet with cold sweat. It was still dark outside. He slowly got hold of himself in the quiet of the darkness. It’s the same dream, again and again haunting him for 5 long years. “I didn’t say sorry. I didn’t even say goodbye to her”. He wept in silence and covered his face in the pillow. He couldn’t face it even after 5 years. Every man has a soft spot in his heart and this is a wound that would never heal. “I didn’t even say goodbye. I didn’t even say goodbye”. He kept repeating these words, as with any nights when the old memories came crashing through, like the truck five years ago.

Like any other days, he picked up Nita from the restaurant she worked at in his taxi to send her home. Nita was a Christian and her family was against her going out with a muslim man.

“Don’t worry about it Nita. We will overcome all these. Even some gay couples can work it out and live happily. So can we.” he used to tell Nita whenever she was feeling insecure and confused. He would hold her hand and gave her a kiss on the forehead to reassure, although he knew it would be really tough to do what he had said.

He had a bad day. It was a series of bad events - rain, bad traffic and hike in petrol price. When Nita showed up 30 minutes late without an apology, his blood boiled up. For the next 20 minutes, he vented his frustrations on Nita and on the gas paddle of his taxi. He didn’t see the overtaking truck from the opposite direction until Nita screamed. Everything was so fast and all he could remember was the flashes, the spinning world and Nita’s high pitch screams. He woke up in the hospital 3 days later with a broken arm and internal injuries.

“people change but memories are forever” Nita used to say. Nita had a degree in accounting and knew a great deal more than Hendra. She had told him a lot of things that he didn’t know of. She changed him but not in any interfering manner. She had never asked him to do anything against his will. She always said “Respect free will.” Through Nita, Hendra had seen the world from a different perspective. He learnt to accept differences in people and became more forgiving and adaptive at the same time.
Every word Nita had said to him replayed softly in his mind shunning all the thundering noises around him in the busy Jakarta street. “Hen, I love you very much but sometimes I wish you could have a hold of your temperament.” This was her last sentence before the dreadful accident and it was imprinted in Hendra’s heart like a red hot iron.

When his family found him, his blank and expressionless face worried them more than his physical condition. He could see and recognize them but seemed indifferent to people and activities around him. “I didn’t say sorry. I didn’t even say goodbye” he kept saying in low murmurous voice. For many days, he didn’t shear a tear or say a word to anyone but submerged in his own world where he had coffee Nita. He blamed himself for the accident, for the angry words he used on Nita and on top of all these: he didn’t even get to see her for one last time before she departed from this world, forever.
He went to her final resting place but only looked on from afar when he saw her families were there. He would never be able to face them especially her mother who had been a kind and caring elder to him. He left home and went to Kuala Lumpur soon after that day and had never returned for 5 years.

It was very noisy with the cranking of heavy machines and the occasional loud pounding of the piling rammer. Hendra was used to the labor work to the extend it was becoming almost robotic to him. Without any warning, the temporary wooden floor that he and a few other workers were working on suddenly caved in. He fell with the collapsed floor onto a lower floor. When he realized what has happened, he found himself immobilized under heavy loads. He knew he was injured badly although he didn’t feel any pain yet. Breathing was becoming harder and he was fading into the creeping darkness. Nita walked to him in her brown dress. He found himself facing Nita again. She was smiling at him but didn’t say a word. “I didn’t say sorry to her. I didn’t even say goodbye…” he dropped his head, dared not face the woman he loved. “Hen, say it now. You can say it now” Nita voice was soft and clear. “you can say what you wanted to say now. Say it now”.
“I am sorry, Nita, I am so sorry”.
“U know, I have never blamed you for what happened that night, Hen.”.
“I am sorry. Goodbye, Nita” Hendra lifted his head to face Nita. “Goodbye Nita, I love you”.
“Goodbye Hen. You take good care of yourself, for me. I love you too.”.
“Yes. I will Nita. I will”.
Voices started to register and Hendra heard people shouting around him. Slowly, he gathered his strength and called out, “Sini. Sini.” His weak voice was muted by the stack of planks and debris on him. He reached out and grabbed a small piece of broken cement and started tapping the floor. The sound finally caught attention and footsteps started towards him. He blacked-out again before they got to him.

Hendra opened his eyes and found himself lying in the bed of a hospital room. The room was almost colorless in blindingly white, the wall, the bed sheets, the uniform of the nurses, the patients’ garment. The only color in the room was the hair of the people in the room. he knew he would survive despite the pain and sore in his body.
He smiled “Ma, I am coming home.”